Am I a Fraud? The Never-ending Struggle with Impostor Syndrome
A couple of years ago, I was invited to a Women in Business Forum, and I attended a chat with three amazing entrepreneurs –all young, talented, and very cool. When it was time for audience questions, I got up and asked if they’d ever dealt with impostor syndrome. They all said yes.
These were women who’d launched their own businesses, who balanced work with motherhood, and managed to look amazing while doing so. Yet they all admitted to doubting themselves from time to time. I was surprised by their confessions, yet strangely comforted, knowing that I wasn’t alone in my constant struggle.
I’ve suffered from impostor syndrome since before the term was even on my radar. I’ve wondered whether I got a job because I had friends at a certain company; whether I got into grad school because the university had to fill a Latino quota; whether people reading my stuff were secretly thinking, “who told her she could do this?”
Over the years, I’ve talked about this endlessly with my friends, my sister, and of course, my therapist. I think a lot of it is classic eldest daughter syndrome, and a search for perfectionism that can be traced back to my straight-A, elementary school days. There are tons of current-day reasons, too. I don’t think that looking at other people’s perfect-by-Instagram-standard lives is particularly healthy –and neither is curating our own lives for social media, for that matter.
By all accounts, I should be past this, right? If I were a fraud, I surely would have been caught by now. And the fact is that I don’t necessarily feel like a fraud all the time. I do have healthy, nice periods of confidence. Of feeling really proud of myself. Of reading my pieces and thinking, “I’m actually pretty good.” Phoebe explains it best:
My therapist once asked me something like “what needs to happen for you to stop doubting yourself?”. Yeah, that was rough. And the truth is, I’m not sure. I’ve had moments of great success, but I’ve also gone through a lot of rejection: rejected pitches, rejected job applications, and oh, so much ghosting. That takes a toll, and I know it does for many of my colleagues and friends, too. Even the most thick-skinned of people find it hard to keep the faith at some point. What’s more, even the most talented of people will struggle. And of course, there’s the flip side: a certain part of the population whose talents are not remarkable but, boy, is their confidence something to envy.
The funny part is that I find it really easy to cheer on everyone else, and to honestly tell people how amazing they are and how that job/project/promotion is right around the corner. Can I be that supportive of myself? Not always. But I’m trying. I’ve come to realize that maybe it’s going to be a lifelong effort. I like to think that it’s similar to a yoga practice. Some days you’re super flexible and full of energy; other days you’re dragging; and some days you’re just OK.
That’s a good place to start.